If you know me well enough, you’ll know I’m not very fond of organized religion. To me, it’s kind of stupid. While yes, it made everything great today possible due to some good ol’ fashioned raping and pillaging, I can imagine the present would be a little better without it… unless Metal hadn’t been created. OH NOES!

Before inverted crosses were cool, Metal had those things.

Enough on that, I’m here to rant about Christianity in particular. To me, it’s a fancy cult based on celestial bodies and stolen bits of other religions. For instance, take Jesus.

Long hair? Metal Horns? Sullen face? Beard? Metalhead.

Pretty damn iconic, and only unknown to people in the most remote places on Earth and to the kids in Supersize Me. Now here’s Zoroaster, the deity behind Zoroastrianism, which is impossible to say 7 times fast with a mouth full of Wonder Bread.

He was also a real dude. Kinda like Buddha.

He’s got the whole Jesus thing going on just from a glance. Aside from the lack of hippie sandals and the headcloth, he’s most likely the archetype upon which Jesus was built. And they made him Jewish.

Also, psychoactive drugs.

You didn’t smoke joints, you inhaled the fumes of burning acacia bushes and talked to them!

Not to mention the insanity that takes place in the parts of the Bible your average Baptist preacher will ignore and not read to your kids in Sunday school, like these damn near porn tidbits.

Ezekiel 23:20 — There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Yep. Some crazy shit happens, and while lots of killing and sexy rapey activity goes on in the Old Testament, it’s mostly ignored because it’s… old. ‘The fuck? Isn’t this God’s word, and he’s supposed to be perfect in every way and whatever he says goes? Go here for further reading, as I’m no expert. Funny thing is, it’s Atheists who find this shit out.

So what is organized religion if not a mechanism using fear and a mystical sky faerie to get what is percieved to be willful obedience to a higher power? A glorified Santa Clause, bitches.

INRI is now SCRE. Figure it out for bonus points!

If you’re not familiar with the Santa Clause/God argument, here it is.

Santa is always watching you. He’s keeping track of all your activities. If you’re good, you are rewarded, but if you are bad or don’t believe, you are punished.

Most “rational” people say Santa Clause is a myth, but still believe in God and will hatefuck you with a barbed wire tree if you dare suggest otherwise. Compare old St. Nick with God.

God is always watching you. He’s keeping track of all your activities. If you are good, you are rewarded with eternal life, but if you are bad or don’t believe, you burn in a pit/wander in nothingness for eternity/are obliterated, depending on if you’re a believer in standard hell, weird hell, or annihilation. In the same way that you’re good simply to appease a man you don’t ever see but promises you great things, you’re just earning brownie points with the cosmic overlord to guarantee your acceptance into the high profile golf/tennis club with all white uniforms I imagine heaven to be.

Heaven: A beautiful waste of space for the fearful and obedient

Comedian Doug Stanhope hits the nail on the head in this here video.

“If Death leads you to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? Because you’re just not sure.”

Christianity kind of makes me think of survey sites that give you points for referring your friends. Kind of like Evangelists who believe their sole purpose is to turn people to Christ. Like I said, all just kissing up to the guy in the sky who just might not be there. Christians are strange creatures. They thank this God person for everything: The good, and the bad. They see the death of a loved one or identity theft as a test from God. What in the green hell? You’re crazy, get help. Bad things happen because people are hardwired to be dicks, not because God wanted to see if you were tough enough to play tennis with him forever.

Yet another link, because this post is linktastic! God Is Imaginary, show it to your mother and RUN LIKE HELL.

Sorry if this post is kind of all over the place and not really focused, but it’s not a 7 page essay with a three point question, so cheers fuckers!

Religion Is Hate. Religion Is Fear. Religion Is War. Religion Is Hate. Religion’s Obscene. Religion’s A Whore.


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