R.I.P. Morbid Angel

SAD BUT TRVE

I wasn’t the hugest Morbid Angel fan in the world.

I haven’t heard all their albums.

I don’t own a shirt by them.

I haven’t seen them live.

But you know what really hurts?

IT MEANS FUCK ALL NOW.

Jesus Help Us... NONOWAIT—

To all the dedicated and most depraved of the Morbid Angel legion, hearing that a new album was coming up was like a plucky young man being enticed with the possibility of getting to third base after a few months of dating the local hottie. He dreamt about it for weeks, fantasized endlessly, creating scenarios in which he could maximize the experience to just about heavenly echelons. The new Morbid Angel album pre-order seemed a bit queer, coming in a wooden box with incense and candles… I mean, c’mon now. Incense? What the fuck? Unless they smell like the rotting flesh of Iesous of Nazarene himself, I’m pretty sure the last thing a Death Metal fan wants to do is have his mom busting in his door suspicious he’s cunnilinguilizing Mary Jane. But I digress, it was strange.

Now back to the hypothetical young man who’se been waiting to dig into that sweet (and most likely)non-virgin flesh for ages untold. He can scarcely contain his exitement, fumbling with his and her clothes. He goes down on her and recieves a vespiary of lethally venomous wasps to the face.

This is a Shoot The Shaggy Dog story, folks.

Even evil has standards.

I must re-iterate, there are many other bands that take much much higher priority than Morbid Angel for me. I’m more concerned with spending cash money for Devin Townsend and Between The Buried And Me’s latest releases than anything Morbid Angel has ever put out. Call me poseur, fuck you and go away, but MA isn’t a band I follow and revere. I do recognize their status in the metal world, and do enjoy their material quite a bit however, so it is saddening to see them take this dark path… or should I say light path since they’re opening the curtain to Rawk Radio play with songs like Radikult. Just take a listen for yourself and be reminded, this isn’t a fucking prank. Unlike Domination, where for some odd reason they became obsessed with wading through viscous goop and wrote music to fit such an activity, that still had an evil atmosphere around it. Now your mother would probably laugh at this in the face. Shit just got real.

Marilyn “Zombie” Reznor wants his Seether remix track back.

Ugh. Anyways if it helps at all, they have a few cuts of somewhat solid Death Metal, but it does little if nothing to soften the blow, as David Vincent’s forgotten how to sound evil and has opted for angsty. Yes, 40+ year olds, there is a difference between being evil and just wearing Black to Hot Topic. Take another gander, if you will.

Highly “Meh”. I’m off to listen to Deathcore now.

What’s with great bands falling off the wagon lately? St. Anger of Death Metal, indeed.

Oh how I pine for eons past…

BUT HEY AT LEAST SUICIDE SILENCE IS COMING OUT WITH A NEW ALBUM, RITE GUISE?

Oops, that sucks too. And yes I like them. Kindly blow me. If you’re into that kinda thing. Cheers, fuckers.

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