Fancy A Spot Of Djent? Veil Of Maya at the MetCafe

Fuck. Pawtucket. It’s only good if you like getting lost, running across every street, and not encountering more than three humans at any given time. The people there are the most chill ever, so I think it’s an enclave of Canada.

The combined rage from a Floridian and the tortured souls of Rhode Islanders.

Fuck this state! But yeah, great show, even though I missed everything up until After The Burial’s third or fourth song.

After The Burial

Light trails or FAGGOT.

So, I was pretty stoked to finally be seeing these guys, but a little less than stoked to hear from their guitarist Justin(awesome dude) that I missed Berzerker and Cursing Akakhetganhghenghharnen Akhenaten. Though words will never enter arriving at the venue to hear the middle of Ometh blasting through the closed windows and getting in even without enough money to pay the full price. Mutha. Fuckin. Goblin.

Highlights included Ometh, Encased In Ice(MUTHAFUCKA COME ON!), Aspiration, and Pi (The Mercury God of Infinity). If my legs and body weren’t already aching from dragging my bookbag and fat ass around Pawtucket, throwing the fuck down to one of the better Djentcore bands of today made it happen. And it happened gooood.

Veil Of Maya

It’s more likely than you think.

 Chuggut. Chuggut. Chuggut. Chugguchugguchuggut. Chugguchuggut.

Hells yeah, polyrhythms. First time I saw these guys, I was a bit too proud to throw down, but this time was a bit different, I shall say. This time, I two-stepped, swung angrily, and even got an intentional wimpy scene kid fist to the eye. That was the most fun part about it, really, getting punched and having it do -30 damage. But anywho, this was much better than seeing them at the Palladium. More intimate, less jackasses trying to prove they’re xTUFFx, more random skanks dancing in the pit, and the like. There was even a good circle going for the opening of It’s Not Safe To Swim Today, which was awesome, because running in circles is fun, don’tchaknow? Pillars, We Bow In Its Aura, Unbreakable, and some other songs I don’t know the name of, am too dumb to remember, or just didn’t know made an appearance in this set, with not a single boring tune to spare. It only fits that they’re one of Sumericore’s finest.

So yeah, don’t go to Providence unless you know where the fuck yer goin’. Point blank.

Tearin’ The Roof Off The Sucka: Primus at the Orpheum

Never. Fucking. Again, Orpheum. No air conditioning in the balcony is a party foul! But yeah, great show. I only know about 3 songs by Primus, and only two of those I know kinda well, but hell, it’s Primus, and they’re funkin’ cool.

Cliff Claypool In Action

I’m not sure if all Primus sets are as visually stimulating as that, but damn. Fuckin’ DAMN. That’s a feast for the eyes right there. Weird video clips being flashed repeatedly, giant inflatable spacemen with faces peering curiously at the spectators, lotsa fancy light effects, what looked like a modified iTunes Visualizer entrancing my Reptilain Complex, an intermission featuring Popeye cartoons, and Les Claypool’s storied pigeon strut as he plays dat fawnky music. Speaking of the music, that was also pretty good.

Wasn’t played, but it’ll make you hungry for human flesh.

Aside from the heat and some random hippie/Lollapalooza cunts yelling PRIMUS SSSSUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKSSSSSS as if everyone there wasn’t already in on and familiar with the joke to the point of exhaustion(hint: it’s sarcasm) for about 20 or 30 minutes, it was damn flawless, I tell ya. Normally when I see bands I don’t know very much of, I’m bored to tears, but fuck, not even a lack of knowledge of the songs or the buckets of Kool-Aid I sweated would deter the enjoyment. I really need to check out more Primus. Fa sho.

Also wasn’t played. Da fawk, Captain?

Only things that would’ve made this show better would be general admission standing space, air conditioning, and someone sharing their weed with me. Yep, people were lightin’ up doobies in a well-staffed venue. ‘Twas awesome. So in the meantime, I’ll procrastinate on something or other, as I can’t say much about a band whose songs I don’t know much of, other than check ’em out. I know I will. Seacrest out.

I Dunno. Opeth at the Palladium

So uh, yeah. The music wasn’t bad, because it’s fuckin’ Opeth, but I wanted to hear this at least.

Fuck. And getting indirectly called an elitist because I expressed my desire for a heavier song than Hex Omega or A Fair Judgement, and that an all Prawg Rawk/Acoustic set was not what I was going for. Yes, Opeth is great whether they sound like forest bumpkins or a Wishbone Ash/Pink Floyd fusion, but I wanted to hear a little… Death. Fuckin. Metal. Apparently that makes me a poser. I can’t shrug hard enough. Hopefully when they roll around this side of the Atlantic in about 50 years they’ll be up to play rough again. And goddamn you Mike for saying “We’re not doing what some people want us to do”. Well no effin’ sheeit, mayne.

No surprises here, I missed Katatonia. Seems like missing half a show is a new trend with me now.

I Should’ve Visited My Dad: In Harm’s Way in Everett

For serious, the Champion’s Cafe, which is quite literally a hole in the wall kinda bar, was juuuust around the corner from where my dad’s staying until he gets a house. Gollee! Anyways, this show was pretty cool, and technically I only saw two of the four or 5 bands that played since Ruins Of Amarna is a band full of pals and In Harm’s Way headlined. And are awesome. So this’ll be short, which works because this computer gargles balls.

Ruins Of Amarna

NYERRGH!

 Woaaoh. Waaaaoh. Woaaaooh.

Ruins Of Amarna is probably one of the stranger bands in New England right now, claiming to take influence from Deathcore, Power Metal, Slam Death Metal, and Thrash all at the same time. And damn, they were actually kinda not joking. Punishing breakdowns, NWOBHM riffing, and shredded Monterey Pepper Jack solos provided by Nicholass, steady rhythms and the occasional blast provided by stickman and Neoanderthal T-Bone, and funky grooves laid down by Ms. Wheatley, in the flesh. The vocals and lyrics need work, but otherwise, Ruins are pretty fresh. Also check out Backwoods Amputation(when it comes out) and Dorian Gray(of whom they played one song from) ain’t bad either, since members of Ruins are in both.

In Harm’s Way

Fat’n’shtoopid

Peter Mulone may not look it, but he’s one of the biggest Power Metal guys you’ll have the pleasure of knowing. Displeasure if you’re a fucknut. But hey, his band’s pretty damn good, channeling the flowery style of Epiclore with a bit of a driving Hard Rock edge, like Journey or Cheap Trick attempting Blind Guardian. I liked it very much. And that’s an understatement. Beer, throwin’ down, the tiniest circlepit I’ve ever seen, and one handed sweep picking are just a few of the pleasantries of this set. I look forward to the next show, fucker.

Cuntsquiffer

Do You Like Segways? Arch Enemy at the Palladium and Weedeater at the Middle East

So yeah, Not Public School for grown-ups has started, and you may see less frequent postage. All two of you who read this regularly will be saddened, I know, but hold back your tears so you can like, read. Bitch.

Gin & Chthonic

Lich King approved

Yes, I just skipped the local bands. Basically, Nemecide was good, Untombed was ok, and I missed all the rest. Now on to Sonic.

It’s one of those things where you like the band, but don’t know enough to loooooove them and thus, the live show isn’t as exciting as it should be. And they didn’t play this.

Was it worth going to see the Taiwanese Dragons even though I didn’t know but one song played that night? Hellz yeah, mothereffer! Luckily they eschewed the corpse-paint, seeing as they weren’t in europe and had no one to impress. From the sound of it, their newer stuff seems to incorporate more traditional Asian flavors, so I’m definitely gonna check out their new release, I dunno about you.

Skeletonwitch

At first I was like

Then I gave you a huggle

The ‘Witch is back and bony, and still splitting skulls. Mah word, those pits were full of Devildriver tools, though. It was aight, though, with dickripping tunes like Upon Wings Of Black, Crushed Beyond Dust, Beyond The Permafrost, et al, it provided a good soundtrack for running track with sweaty drunk men. Sadly, the largeness of the downstairs failed to recapture the intimacy at Metalfest when they played upstairs, but you win some, you lose many.

DevilDriver and Arch Enemy

Went and got pizza instead.

Now let’s get fuckin’ stoned.

Traveling through time, dickjangle.

Fight Amp

The more you orally engulf the mic, the more committed you are to the art.

With the name Fight Amp, I was expecting either the oddball Hardcore band that opens up for random shows, or another Sludge/Stoner band in accordance with the rest of the line-up. Sadly(?) it was the latter, but at least they’re fun to watch.

Having done a split with equally obscure sludgers Kowloon Walled City and sounding a bit like a much less quirky Black Elk, they sure got my liking. Though the songs were a minute or two longer than they felt they should’ve been, and the vocals non-existent under the weight of the drums and bass, it was a darn good set, and kudos to their bassist for allowing me to stow my bag under their merch table!

Bison BC

…Dude.

Heavy, melodic, rituals. Fuckin’ A. Bringing a tad bit more speed and a Kentucky Fried slab of beef to the table is the mighty Bison. I hadn’t heard a lick from any of the bands here, just so ya know, but Bison writes songs so catchy you kinda want to sing along when the chorus rolls around. And you’ll find your upper body swaying back and forth from 180° to 90° uncontrollably. This is normal.

Hay guise, guess who Black Pyramid likes!

Saviours

Metal Band + Bay Area – Thrash = Waaaaaat?

Big fat dongs, the lot of ’em. They brought even more speed, busting out some neatly decorated double bass drums and more standard Heavy Metal type riffing.

28750232

I’m tired, I’m skipping ahead now.

Weedeater

DUH, SCHWINNING

I’m not explaining the bike thing, but just know that if you like Buzzov*en(at least one member is in WE), Dead Languages, Bongzilla, or any other Sludge/Doom band whose members clearly aren’t sober, do check out Weedeater. They’re such hillbillies that frontman Dixie will not be seen without a can of PBR, a trucker hat, a deranged expression, and oddly enough, a ratty Mickey Mouse shirt. Okay maybe that last one was special for that one night, but still, man. Drummer Keith looks like an unnatural polymer of the orangutan from the new Planet Of The Apes but with dreadlocks, and Devin Townsend, and the guitarist Dave just looks a little sketchy.

Ask your girlfriend what his dick tastes like.

Alright, to sum it up, Weedeater’s just dirty and will make you imagine the smell of spilled Pabst whenever you hear Stoner Metal for the rest of your life. Thanks, guys! Now go to fuckin’ bed.

I Don’t Think They Make Spam Anymore: Kamelot at the Palladium

The one positive about arriving late to a show is that it makes my workload much easier. So my entourage effectively missed half the show due to traffic on Mass Ave, which meanth The Agonist and Blackguard didn’t get the pleasure of seeing me in a whitee Dying Fetus shirt, but fuck them, mah niggaz held it down.

Alestorm

Ye be eyin’ the bonnie lass with pleasure, matie!

My intrepid crew of fresh faced hornswogglers made it just in time for the initial drop o’th’anchor, and we rushed in to do battle with our enemies. The savvy buccaneer lads in Alestorm dinna spare the whip! For years longer than I’ve been swabbing the starboard bow, they’ve been makin’ ye olde seas churn with the froth not of water,  but pure mead! And a touch o’man sweat. With jaunty ocean ballads like Nancy The Tavern Wench, Wenches And Mead, Captain Morgan’s Revenge, Heavy Metal Pirates, Keelhauled, and Wolves Of The Sea, they got the landlubbers chanting along to every barnacle encrusted word as though they’d be made to sift through Davy Jones’ gym locker. FIRE THE CANNONS! The set was good, khed.

Is the keytar cool yet?

Kamelot

Hope to Pazuzu it’s shooped?

Kamelot’s a fucken good band, and few will say otherwise. With an expansive discography covering the many moods of Power Metal, from the speedy and majestic to the dramatic, there’s something for everyone to be found. Kamelot is a band that touches everyone deeper than a fisting session, and there are no blemishes to be found on their record as of yet… aside from the matter of Roy Khan’s sudden unceremonious departure based on a religious awakening.

Of course... the signs were there all along.

With Khan deciding that God’s more important than being awesome, we’ve been suddenly gifted with the talents of a certain Fabio of Rhapsody Of Fire, The Passion Of A Thousand Birds Soaring Endlessly Through Cosmic Light In Search Of Their Prophecy’s Fulfillment. Sometimes shortened to Rhapsody Of Fire.

These guys. They taste Italian.

So yeah, if you had seen Kamelot when they had Khan, a merry fuck you. Although Fabio is certainly not a bad singer and is definitely a good man for the job, I still feel they could’ve done waaaay better. This may sound strange to say, but Fabio has a bit of an accent. And yes, Khan is Norwegian, but hell, he sounded ‘MERICAN enough, didn’t he?

Not to say that Fabio did anything wrong, aside from a couple of unnecessary crowd participation bits, but yeah, it was a bit distracting because A) We wanted Khan and B) His range isn’t quite the same. He’s competent, yes, but he didn’t make me cry when they played Soul Society and Karma, but Forever was close. The drum and keyboard solos(the latter of which was “interlude”) were entertaining, but could very well have been Love You To Death, Anthem, or Don’t You Cry, all of which I hoped would be played. But hey, they hit the jugular with the aforementioned songs, The Human Stain, March Of Mephisto(complete with backtracked growls), and When The Lights Are Down. The rest were songs I didn’t really know, one featuring a guest appearance by Simone Simmons, who I could give less of a fuck about, being in Epica, who are highly mediocre.

So yes, Kamelot had a great set, but I kept dwelling on Khan’s absence and Fabio’s inability to be a Khan clone, but hell, gotta make the best of it. The majesty of their songs doesn’t quite translate as well live, but their performance on CD makes it difficult to transfer the magic and beauty into a packed room full of sweaty people with swiveling lights trying to blind you anyway, so small potatoes. Seeing Blackguard would’ve made this 2x better, but I still got my 25 bucks worth, so go eat hummus and die. Goodnight.