Invoker EP Review: Now In Real Time!

Since the young’uns in Invoker… in Invoker… heh. Moving on. The young’uns in Invoker are interested in my opinion on their brand booty shakin’ new EP, so I’m gonna give it to ’em gently. We’re going live, and it’s gonna hurt. This oughta hold the one of you lot waiting patiently for my review of the -core show in Kingston, and if not, you’re fat.


Opens up with a neat little Speed Metal riff, so far, so Holy Grail. Kickass little track that’s reminiscent of the 80’s, complete with steady double bass, harmonizing leads, and riffs that tell you to bang yer head. Gang shouts and clear pronunciation of the lyrics will definitely be a plus in the audience participation arena. The chorus is good, just needs a bit more punch. It’s reminiscent of Trivium, and whether or not it’s intentional, it sits well. Following is what one would call a breakdown, so expect to duck some spinkicks before the solo(which is nice).

Path Of Frost

A little bit of a folky undertone in the opening riff, I like. The verse is sung with a dramatic flair that definitely adds some emotion to the song that otherwise would be missing if it were any different. A couple notes here and there are off, but they’re a new band that have been around for a year, maybe a little more, so they can be excused. The chorus(?) has some far away vocals that imply someone’s lost, and it’s confirmed with a shout of GONE! FOREVER! Handy little touch there, lads! Another major scale solo before some nice headbang riffs, followed by another solo over said riffs. A little repetitive, but it’s certainly not the kind that wears on your soul, and if anything will just help the song stick better. The folky riff returns and the song ends similarly to the last.

Paradise Gained, Paradise Lost

A little more Thrash influence makes itself known here with a bit more double bass and chunky riffing reminiscent of(insert 80s Thrash band). A couple solos come in to cool it down, but it still remains in the upper mid-paced eschelons. Certainly a crowd-mover for drunk long-hairs in patch jackets and leather. Not much to say about this one, but it’s one of the most kickass tracks so far.


Back to the 80’s Heavy Metal riffing and lyrics that should inspire some epic posing/mouthing the lyrics with an invisible orange in hand. The chorus features more galloping guitars and drums, and vocals that flit between angry shouts and standard Heavy Metal vocalization keep it mixed up so as to keep it from being too homogenous. The riff that follows is a badass rocker that should get some stomping back and forth in the pits(should there be any). Following that is another solid riff with a solo that tries to stand out from the others on the EP by showcasing different emotions.It starts out a sounding a little sorrowful and graduates to sounding heroic near the end, if that makes any sense. Probably doesn’t, but go fuck you. A strong headbanger is always a great way to close a debut EP by an up-and-comer.

Invoker has played with big local Heavy Metal acts such as In Harm’s Way and Crypter, and I can definitely see them opening up for Power/Heavy Metal shows in the future. Keep it up boyos, and burn all the Bibles!


13 Things True Metalheads Like To Do

Why 13? Because I like I like to go three steps beyond. Now this here list is just for fun, so all 3 people that read this better not come at me, or I’ll go super on yo ass. Know what I’m saiyan?

1. Hate Power Metal Because It’s Gay As Hell

Defenders of Manliness

 2. Say Chicks In Bands Are Hot, But Say The Bands Themselves Suck

Stand back gentlemen, for it’s me they lust after.

Now while an unfair amount of female fronted bands do suck(Epica, Halestorm, Waking The Cadaver, etc.), an unfair amount of them get lumped in with that whole group.

This band is made of cute Japanese girls and my ass is on fire.

3. Pretend The Big 4 Is Sodom, Kreator, Exodus, And Destruction 

And who can blame them?

4. Hate New Thrash Metal Bands

Sublime hatred is completely independent of what I’m getting at.

It seems the Retro Thrash or “Rethrash” movement is getting mad hate, and that is uncalled for, bitches!

5. Secretly Love Deathcore

I know you fucking love it.

666. Secretly Love Poppy Love Music

I think this video will sum it up. Watch for the Asian dude’s shirt.

7. Being Assholes

We’re all elitist fucks at heart, but some are worse. Just google “Metalheads are assholes”, “Metalheads are elitists”, and the like.

8. Being Understanding And Cuddly

A little long-winded, but don’t you just wanna hug his not-a-pretentious-asshole-ness?

9. Wearing Shirts

Proof: Not A Single Shirtless Individual In That Crowd

10. Stealing From Will-O’Smith


Apparently they’ve been doing this since the late 70s or early 80s. It’s fucked.

11. Being Fat And Oogly


12. Arguing About True vs. Not-True Or Random Bullshit

Just go on any forum you like or check your metal buddy’s wall on Facebook for a self-replenishing supply of vitriolic debate.

13. Drink

Get your wretched spawn started early, gents.

And that concludes this fuckery. Go to bed you lot. Cheers. Yeh.

Well Ain’t This Just Peculiar?

Burial is a Brutal Death Metal band that came out of Framingham, and have been dead for a while. They were pretty decent as I found after making a random purchase at Armageddon Records shop of their album Enlightened With Pain because the cover’s so pwetty.

Since this CD came out in the year 2000

it has one of them neat little sections where they thank all the bands that influenced them or played with them. It has all your standard fare; Deicide, Skinless, Cannibal Corpse, the like. But then lookie here!

All That Goshdarn Remains. Shortened to All That Remains for poetic effect.

So as you can see from that extremely blurry picture, their thanks lie not only with the superheroes of Brutal Death Metal like Mortician and Suffocation, but with Mass Metalcore giants ATR. Holee sheeit. Burial sound like this:

Whereas All That Remains’ sound is familiar to just about everyone on this planet who claims to listen to heavy music.

Stranger things have and will continue to happen, but that was one little oddity I’ve been forgetting to point out for a while.

Some Bands You Oughta Know About

Prepare to get dunked in ice water as you explore the outer rims of the Metalverse! Which is cold… because if it were a galaxy and these bands were planets, they’d be cold, and possibly not even planets, but Kuiper-belt objects.


Not big fans of sunlight… or light in general.

Imbroglio come from the frozen industrial wastelands of New Jersey. They sound a bit like a combination of Gaza, Converge, and Pig Destroyer. Scum On Bones even has a tiny bit of Deftones influence in the chorus, so how’s that for diversity?


Up The Punx, d00d

Blackened Stenchviolence from Nampshaw that doesn’t smell too bad. If you like the idea of First Wave Norwegian Black Metal, sombre melodic sections that bring to mind bombed out snowy urban landscapes, and Crust Punk all in a nice pewter cauldron, give ’em a listen, and go see them.

Visions Of Atlantis

Band with a woman in it? Bad photoshop? Gayyyyyyy

Symphonic Power Metal along the lines of Fairyland, but more aquatic where FL is terrestrial. It is indeed something that your average Metalhead would scoff at, but I dig it, so fuck off poonhounds!



Evil Sludge/Death Doom from Japan that sounds like Swallow The Sun started listening to a lot more Winter and had a throat full of blood.

Acid Death


Acid Death taste like kebabs and play Progressive Deathrash with lots’o’different influences including Jazz Fusion, Power Metal, and er… I dunno I’d be making stuff up.


Yeah, they’re legit in case you were gonna ask.

Progressive Black/Folk/Symphonic/Power Metal band that was broken up for a while, but has reformed recently as a studio-only band. This pleases the Gaga.

Carach Angren

Widen your eyes and scowl, gentlemen. Widen and scowl.

Symphonic Black Metal. They’re good. What more can one say?


The Plunger doing what he does best. Plunging.

Despite the death of their vocalist Jason “Plunger” Sica, these guys have not quit, and are continuing to bring the beef outta New Joisey in a way Waking The Cadaver never will. Balancing Slamming Deathcore, a bit of Thrash, Grind, Black Metal, and even an ounce of traditional Heavy Metal riffing, they’re definitely a great bunch of lads.


Guess who’s the old one.

Black Flag had a vocalist before Henry Rollins, but I bet only 12/4 of you knew that. OFF! is working on putting the Rock back in Punk Rock, sounding like they come straight out of the late 70s/early 80s. If you don’t feel like hearing something new, check out Keith Morris’ new band.

I think I might do this again soon, but maybe you can go fuck yerself.

Almost Forgot: Who wants some Slam cake?

If your favorite Slam band is Devourment or Composted, you may not partake.

This cake made a beastly appearance in the throwdown pit at Exhumed(okay so it wasn’t really in the pit), and I forgot to mention it. It’s kinda important, as it was delicious, and there might have been an extra special ingredient that will not be revealed ’til Christmas. Enjoy your AIDS!

It’s Not Carcass. Exhumed at the Palladium

I almost thought I wasn’t gonna make it to this show due to lack of money, but lo and behold, several angels came down in the form of a vegan bearing cake and a professional interviewer to get me there. Fuck dat shit. I don’t give a fuck.


I’m quickly running out of clever captions.

Dysentery is a band that you’ll probably have seen a lot, whether by accident or design, so if you don’t like them, get used to seeing their ugly mugs. They play a brand of Slam that hits like haymakers in rapid succession, which is most Slam in general, so that was almost pointless to say, y’know? They always put on a great live set, so there’s never a dull moment. Someone’s always in danger of getting knocked down, which is how you kinda want shows to be. In case you’re a raver who stumbled upon this blog, you’re pussies and should throw down. Wobb wobb.

While I’m still not as up to speed on their song titles as I should be, they did play the above song, and a couple other catchy ditties that you’ll be humming in the shower the day after, so if you get the chances, see them live, and avoid the kid with glasses.


Not Cephalic Carnage or Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire

This is the third band I know of that’s from Colorado, a state proven culturally relevant as the Dakotas and West Virginia. You hear that Colorado? You’re as good as a cardinal direction state. And you may also know Havok for having one of the worst album/EP covers known to man.

When your 7 year old brother wants to draw your album art, say no.

Moving on, Havok is a pretty darn good Thrash band. Like most of their ilk, they are firm believers/Kool-Aid drinkers in the Anti-Karate Mosh sect, which makes sense because Havok is music you run in circles to, not roundhouse people in the face to.

While crowd energy was far below the level it should’ve been, Havok kept a steadily cheerful disposition, blasting through their set like coitus uninterruptus in a pool of lava.

Crowning Moment Of Suck: Naming your band after an X-Men Character.


Who needs a God when you’ve got spiked hockey shin guards?

Goatwhore is a band I haven’t seen before or listened to extensively, but always thought it’d be kinda cool to see. They get a lot of bad rap for their supposedly mall-core audience, which is unfortunate, but reports have been exaggerated, not entirely faked. Yes, some of their fans are the type that flash their horns all too often, sometimes with the thumb out. And yes, a lot of them wore Goatwhore shirts. It’s tragic, as Goatwhore ain’t a bad band, but whatcha gonna do?

One hilarious thing to note; during Goatwhore’s set, not nearly as many Blackened Death d00dz with crossed arms. In fact, Goatwhore’s music is surprisingly Punk/Hardcore influenced and quite groovy, so it kicks into motion your urge to 2-step. At some point, there was a full-on throwdown pit, much to my amusement and amazement. Not sure if this is what the band was going for, but some movement is better than none, lads. They closed with everyone’s favorite Avenged Sevenfold cover, Who Needs A God When You’ve Got Satan?, and at this point there was a spot-on spin-cycle imitation done by the crowd, which the band seemed to react to with some sort of sexual pleasure.


Who knew their #1 influence was The Plasmatics?

Exhumed is everyone’s favorite intentional Carcass rip-off band, unless you happen to prefer Impaled or The County Medical Examiners. But Exhumed should be your favorite, with Impaled trailing closely behind like entrails from a freshly bifurcated body. Exhumed play a nasty strain of Deathrash with touches of melody(most particularly on Anatomy Is Destiny), so you’ll like them if you’re not afraid of sharp objects and dead bodies. Or eating dead bodies.

Exhumed’s set felt a bit too short, which is tragic, because Goatwhore’s felt a bit overlong by a song or two. They definitely should’ve been given a bit more time, but it was a fun set regardless, with an old favorite, Casketkrusher rearing its head after a long time in the grave, In The Name Of Gore, Waxwork, The Matter Of Splatter, and a few others I don’t know the names of but were excellent. It is Gore Fucking Metal, after all, a microgenre consisting of Exhumed, early Carcass, and Impaled. Did I mention only bands that sound like Carcass are allowed?

‘Twas a bloody good set, I lol’d.

I’m So Behind It Ain’t Even Funny, So Here’s A Solid Rock Block

In order to clean up all the shows I haven’t reviewed yet, I’ll make it as short’n’sweet as I can. Kinda like a Twinkie but with no preservatives. Savvy?

Halloween Metal Bash at Champion’s Café

So I went to this show under the false pretense of it being 18+, but had a bit of standing awkwardly outside the venue to do as I had only entered last time due to the manager being away and no one caring who was old enough to legally decrease their motor skills. In that case, much of the listening and viewing was done from outside, and this meant missing the Mario and Luigi costumes of everyone’s favorite Tradcore band Ruins Of Amarna. A major difference between this time and the last is that the guitar is now tuned to drop C as opposed to drop A, letting Nic’s natural wimpiness shine through instead of forcing him to be a baritone. It worked, fellas, now keep it this way. New bassist Mike played bass, and that’s all I can say about that. In Hahm’s way played a fun set, as… er… usual? I’ve only seen them twice but I assume they’re always this precise and colorful. Watching Pete Legato pick while drinking beer will never get old.

BREAKING NEWS! T-Bone is no longer in the Ruins, and is off to see the wizard, who will hopefully gift him with people to start a Death Metal band with.

Saints And Sinners Tour at The House Of Blues

Plant Vochestra

Fuckin’ missed it. The best Experimental A-Capella Technical Deathjazz/Blues Fusion band that only forms in the presence of BtBaM and TRC compounds in extreme heat will probably not happen for another few years…


I think the only people who liked this band were the people in Periphery shirts and the bassist of the band itself. Damn these guys are boring. It’s like a third rate version of [insert Djent band here] with good song intros. They’d make an okay Post-Rock band if they cut out the polyrhythm fuckery.

The Red Chord

I’m kinda sad that they went second, meaning that there was a severe violence deficiency and it wasn’t nearly long enough. They did however, get to crank out crowd-killers like Demoralizer, Hymns And Crippled Anthems, Birdbath, Hour Of Rats, Antman(got a nice circle goin’), and Dreaming In Dog Years. As one of the special guests invited just for the Boston date, they made sure to use what little time they had to leave your butt hurtin’.

Animals As Leaders

Fuckin’ flawless. It’s no wonder people believe Tosin is just a very charismatic robot sent back in time to wow humanity with his musical prowess. The visuals were great, making you feel like you were in hyperspace while the at once soothing and energizing tunes On Impulse, CAFO, Tempting Time ,Wave Of Babies, et. al., and a few new tracks to throw in some tangy flava. Definitely armchair music in the best way.

Cave In

Didn’t get much of a chance to explore a lot of their stuff, but just know that their music is divided into three camps: Aggressive Metallic Hardcore with jagged riffs you don’t want to fall face first into, Eerily upbeat Punk/Hardcore, and Space Rock. I’m guessing some of the fans of their Space Rock work came on LSD and er… had a right old good time to it. Lots of walking like they were in an undersea kemp forest battling seahorses with Tai Chi. But other than that, the pits were as violent as Boston Hardcore should be. Yet another special guest invited by BtBaM of their godly generosity.

Between The Buried And Me

I’m just gonna link ya to a setlist, mkay? Lemme just say there was more than sufficient bloodshed, and the medley was amazing, so fuck all who didn’t like it.

Buncha random bands at PT-109


Once again, didn’t smell too bad from a distance, and provided a good amount of Booty Bass/Porn Groove to keep me standing through the performance.


Beangrind is fun. I liked watching the drummer of Lords Of Ram stomp back and forth with a 40 of Pabst in one hand.

The Communion

Pretty ok Grind band from I’m Too Lazy To Look It Up, USA. Not much to say about them except the vocalist vases sideways instead of to the front or the drummer.

Close Call + Scapegoat at The Middle East

Not much happened here, just know that New Lows’ crowd was lethargic, the vocalist of Sweet Jesus is in idgaf mode when he pits, and Close Call is awesome. At least what they played. And their vocalist is even more Oreolic than I. Praise the lawd!