It’s Not Carcass. Exhumed at the Palladium

I almost thought I wasn’t gonna make it to this show due to lack of money, but lo and behold, several angels came down in the form of a vegan bearing cake and a professional interviewer to get me there. Fuck dat shit. I don’t give a fuck.

Dysentery

I’m quickly running out of clever captions.

Dysentery is a band that you’ll probably have seen a lot, whether by accident or design, so if you don’t like them, get used to seeing their ugly mugs. They play a brand of Slam that hits like haymakers in rapid succession, which is most Slam in general, so that was almost pointless to say, y’know? They always put on a great live set, so there’s never a dull moment. Someone’s always in danger of getting knocked down, which is how you kinda want shows to be. In case you’re a raver who stumbled upon this blog, you’re pussies and should throw down. Wobb wobb.

While I’m still not as up to speed on their song titles as I should be, they did play the above song, and a couple other catchy ditties that you’ll be humming in the shower the day after, so if you get the chances, see them live, and avoid the kid with glasses.

Havok

Not Cephalic Carnage or Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire

This is the third band I know of that’s from Colorado, a state proven culturally relevant as the Dakotas and West Virginia. You hear that Colorado? You’re as good as a cardinal direction state. And you may also know Havok for having one of the worst album/EP covers known to man.

When your 7 year old brother wants to draw your album art, say no.

Moving on, Havok is a pretty darn good Thrash band. Like most of their ilk, they are firm believers/Kool-Aid drinkers in the Anti-Karate Mosh sect, which makes sense because Havok is music you run in circles to, not roundhouse people in the face to.

While crowd energy was far below the level it should’ve been, Havok kept a steadily cheerful disposition, blasting through their set like coitus uninterruptus in a pool of lava.

Crowning Moment Of Suck: Naming your band after an X-Men Character.

Goatwhore

Who needs a God when you’ve got spiked hockey shin guards?

Goatwhore is a band I haven’t seen before or listened to extensively, but always thought it’d be kinda cool to see. They get a lot of bad rap for their supposedly mall-core audience, which is unfortunate, but reports have been exaggerated, not entirely faked. Yes, some of their fans are the type that flash their horns all too often, sometimes with the thumb out. And yes, a lot of them wore Goatwhore shirts. It’s tragic, as Goatwhore ain’t a bad band, but whatcha gonna do?

One hilarious thing to note; during Goatwhore’s set, not nearly as many Blackened Death d00dz with crossed arms. In fact, Goatwhore’s music is surprisingly Punk/Hardcore influenced and quite groovy, so it kicks into motion your urge to 2-step. At some point, there was a full-on throwdown pit, much to my amusement and amazement. Not sure if this is what the band was going for, but some movement is better than none, lads. They closed with everyone’s favorite Avenged Sevenfold cover, Who Needs A God When You’ve Got Satan?, and at this point there was a spot-on spin-cycle imitation done by the crowd, which the band seemed to react to with some sort of sexual pleasure.

Exhumed

Who knew their #1 influence was The Plasmatics?

Exhumed is everyone’s favorite intentional Carcass rip-off band, unless you happen to prefer Impaled or The County Medical Examiners. But Exhumed should be your favorite, with Impaled trailing closely behind like entrails from a freshly bifurcated body. Exhumed play a nasty strain of Deathrash with touches of melody(most particularly on Anatomy Is Destiny), so you’ll like them if you’re not afraid of sharp objects and dead bodies. Or eating dead bodies.

Exhumed’s set felt a bit too short, which is tragic, because Goatwhore’s felt a bit overlong by a song or two. They definitely should’ve been given a bit more time, but it was a fun set regardless, with an old favorite, Casketkrusher rearing its head after a long time in the grave, In The Name Of Gore, Waxwork, The Matter Of Splatter, and a few others I don’t know the names of but were excellent. It is Gore Fucking Metal, after all, a microgenre consisting of Exhumed, early Carcass, and Impaled. Did I mention only bands that sound like Carcass are allowed?

‘Twas a bloody good set, I lol’d.

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