13 Things True Metalheads Like To Do

Why 13? Because I like I like to go three steps beyond. Now this here list is just for fun, so all 3 people that read this better not come at me, or I’ll go super on yo ass. Know what I’m saiyan?

1. Hate Power Metal Because It’s Gay As Hell

Defenders of Manliness

 2. Say Chicks In Bands Are Hot, But Say The Bands Themselves Suck

Stand back gentlemen, for it’s me they lust after.

Now while an unfair amount of female fronted bands do suck(Epica, Halestorm, Waking The Cadaver, etc.), an unfair amount of them get lumped in with that whole group.

This band is made of cute Japanese girls and my ass is on fire.

3. Pretend The Big 4 Is Sodom, Kreator, Exodus, And Destruction 

And who can blame them?

4. Hate New Thrash Metal Bands

Sublime hatred is completely independent of what I’m getting at.

It seems the Retro Thrash or “Rethrash” movement is getting mad hate, and that is uncalled for, bitches!

5. Secretly Love Deathcore

I know you fucking love it.

666. Secretly Love Poppy Love Music

I think this video will sum it up. Watch for the Asian dude’s shirt.

7. Being Assholes

We’re all elitist fucks at heart, but some are worse. Just google “Metalheads are assholes”, “Metalheads are elitists”, and the like.

8. Being Understanding And Cuddly

A little long-winded, but don’t you just wanna hug his not-a-pretentious-asshole-ness?

9. Wearing Shirts

Proof: Not A Single Shirtless Individual In That Crowd

10. Stealing From Will-O’Smith

Assholes’

Apparently they’ve been doing this since the late 70s or early 80s. It’s fucked.

11. Being Fat And Oogly

Fuck.

12. Arguing About True vs. Not-True Or Random Bullshit

Just go on any forum you like or check your metal buddy’s wall on Facebook for a self-replenishing supply of vitriolic debate.

13. Drink

Get your wretched spawn started early, gents.

And that concludes this fuckery. Go to bed you lot. Cheers. Yeh.

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