Therion Is Gay

Converse? With THAT dress? Oh hell no. 

Since I was unable to attend Ghost due to unforseen technicalities of the show selling out variety, I’ll be forced to divert my energy to a post that would be dedicated to them, but is now going to focus on a band that has a long history and is equally visual, though not nearly as spooky. Therion is a band you may not know or care much about, given that they are “Opera Metal”, and are quite unashamed of this fact. However, I’m here to be the lone whippoorwill excitedly chirping whenever I hear a tune by them, and lemme tell ya why.

First off, they used to sound like this:

Damn fine Swedeath of the cask strength variety eh? You’d certainly label them akin to early Tiamat, Entombed, Grave, and all the other bands with spaghetti guitar strings that resembled a large hog’s grunting rather than an instrument. Therion is a band that likes to operate through extremes, and there will be no compromise or middle ground with them, unless it’s Symphony Masses, which displayed some weaker Death Metal influence and the creeping influences of Classical, Prog/Jazz, and bladerblah that has become associated with their name. I’m sure that if you know of Therion, you’re used to hearing things like this

Sweet ambrosia. It begs me to ask, why the hatred of this band? Certainly they have a little something for a lot of different audiences. Power Metal in some of their faster songs, Progressive Metal on any album that isn’t their first two, straight up Death Metal in their first three or four releases, hints of Thrash and Doom scattered here and there, frequent audial homages to traditional Heavy Metal, Psychadelic Rock, and an aesthetically pleasing Gothic flair that only the most closed-minded among you would shun as homosexual and an aberration to all that is manly and Dave Matthews.

Whatever your reason for disliking this band, I certainly hope it’s not because they’re “gay”, since that is a well established fact. Just look at them!

Makes it less fruity, inviting women to your masquerade does not.

Therion may be a bit overblown and get carried away trying to sound huge, but if that’s not the spirit of Metal to you, I think you’ll be fain to seek comfort in the wobbly hi-grav ritualism of dubstep. And with that, I have no clue how I will view this writing tomorrow, but it’ll most likely be the same reaction someone gives H.P. Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors: Mind breaking terror and the realization I am doomed to eternity in eldritch hell. I’m off to bed, and depending on your time zone, you should be too. I think next time I’ll do another Wacky Band thingy, but that’s only if I can come up with at least 5 made-up words. Adieu.


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